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  • MyCollective Team

The golden or the Baby-Bermuda Triangle? Balancing working models, care work & mental load

We cover topics at the intersection of parenting and careers, but keep coming back to what we call the “golden triangle” - that perfect balance of the right working model, care model and mental load model that makes a career as a working parent possible.

Speaking to Volker Baisch from conpadres at an Impulse Session earlier this year, we have distilled our conversation into the following hacks that we can all use when it comes to finding (and constantly modifying) these models. They come both from Volker himself - an important voice representing working fathers - and from our participants and alumni. 

Here’s how to crack that “Baby Bermuda triangle” 

💡 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐥 - 𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞: 

reduce your hours / work flexibly / job-sharing. Whichever you choose, make sure that you plan in some long days at work where you don’t have the stress of care work and mental load and can just focus on work like you did in your previous reincarnation before you had kids, and just get stuff done.

💡 𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐋𝐨𝐚𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐥 - 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐧𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 and is a big reason for divorce, so we ignore it at our peril. Sharing the mental load is important, but ensure that you don’t only talk about logistics and who does what - take the time to ask your partner how they’re dealing with it too, and then just listen. (This is an important parenting and leadership skill too, so worth practicing with each other!)

💡 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐥 - 𝐆𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲’𝐬 “𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞” 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬. The hack here is to create a stable and resilient village around you that doesn’t only include your partner, but anyone you can find - neighbours, friends, even parents in law. SHARE THE CARE.

Thank you Volker Baisch for always sharing your insights and for the important work that you do with conpadres - and to all our participants for your thoughts and ideas.

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